Note: I was not sponsored in any way to talk about the things I'll talk about today. I am just very autistic for a resort I've been going to almost my whole life. Okay thanks.
The Wilderness Hotel and Golf Resort in Wisconsin Dells is one that I've been going to with my family for over 15 odd years now, and a lot has changed since then. I went with my family just this past weekend, and while some things are the same as always, a lot of other things have been overhauled, tweaked, and redone. It can be weird to think that a resort you've been going to since you were 4 or 5 years old is not only still going strong, but is constantly evolving and transforming basically before your eyes. I wanted to talk about some of the changes, and my thoughts on them. They're very mixed overall, and I have a lot to say.
May as well start with the main draw of the resort, right? Waterparks. Some love them, some hate them, and some still can't get enough of that chlorine aroma that fills them (that's me, I am that). It's kind of weird to review them, because some have gotten more renovations than others over time. I won't go over all of them, of course, just the ones that I have extended thoughts on and have been to.
Klondike Kavern
This one has been changed the least over time, and honestly, that's for the best. All of its attraction are still good fun, like the lazy river "Banaza Brook", hot tub, and even the kids' play feature. The only thing they've done with it over the years is attempt to add Slideboarding technology to the park's tube slides, dubbed "The Claim Jumper Challenge". I actually remember when this was in the park, but unfortunately it didn't last long at all.
Apparently the game kept not working and boards kept breaking due to not being durable enough, among other problems. It's a shame too, because my sister and I both really enjoyed it when it was around, and the only remnant of its past existence now is the lights inside the tubes. Oh well, I suppose such things weren't meant to be.
Wild WaterDome
This one is a bit tricky to talk about, because it's actually being actively renovated as we speak! They just recently repainted the whole park (which the above image unfortunately does not reflect), and by October they're gonna be replacing the "Dueling Mammoths" slide with a volcano-themed slide, as well as introduce a spruced-up zero-depth splash pad. Honestly, I feel that's a good thing, as the second lane of the Dueling Mammoths was almost never open to begin with, at least I had never seen it be.
However, my favourite part of this park has got to be Margarita's Swim-Up Bar. Basically, it's a bar in a big heated pool, and they serve quite the huge variety of specialty cocktails. Of the ones that I tried this past trip, my favourite ones are the Strawberry Slide and the Watermelon Jolly. Also, no children! I haven't mentioned it until now, but kids jumping and diving into the hot tub is quite a common occurence and it grinds my gears to no end. But the swim-up bar solves this, as it's only for adults 21+. Do kind of wish there were more 18+ hot tubs though...the only one in the whole park is in one of the outdoor waterparks, so if I come in the winter then I'm just screwed.
Wild West
This is another one that was renovated relatively recently. A lot of it was just aesthetic changes, but they did introduce several new slides, as well as a new restaurant on the mezzanine called Swimm'n Chick'n. I already went on a whole spiel raving about the WaterDome's swim-up bar, so I won't repeat myself here, but that is this park's highlight for me too.
One bummer about the renovation was the lesser emphasis on this park's thrill ride, the Black Hole. Before, the exit zone had a cool space/starry paintjob, and the start of the slide had sci-fi wrirring sounds playing on loop, which really helped immerse you in the ride in my opinion. They got rid of both of those thing with the renovation, which was a huge bummer to see. I don't know why they couldn't have kept the theming intact.
The rest of my thoughts on the resort don't really fit into any particular category, so I'm gonna just ramble about different aspects I have thoughts on. I suppose this post is already rambly enough as is, so it doesn't really matter.
Coffee
The Wilderness serves Starbucks coffee. On one end, it's nice, since I'm already familiar with how it tastes so I know what I'm getting right from the jump, but on the other I find Starbucks to be very...meh? Like, it's fine coffee all things considered (if you get it half-sweet that is, good Lord they put too much sugar in it), but there are so many other coffee brands that I feel could provide a more unique experience. Hell, they even used to serve Bella Goose Coffee in one of the locations, but that eventually got changed to Starbucks like everything else for whatever reason. Bella Goose Coffee is honestly super good, it has such a unique flavour when compared to Starbucks, so I wish they went with that instead. Maybe Starbucks had a cheaper contract? I dunno.
Hotel
All this talk about the resort's offerings and I haven't even mentioned the hotels themselves. I personally haven't stayed in the main hotels since well before they got a complete renovation. I typically stay in the two bedroom vacation villas (pictured above). They haven't been remodeled like everything else, so I get to experience the good old fasioned 90s Wilderness aesthetic. Of course though, that comes at the cost of functionality.
In general, rooms are how they're supposed to be, not many complaints to be had. But every once in a while there will be a broken lamp switch here, or a line of dead pixels on the TV there, or missing appliances, and of course, design decisions that reek of the 90s (the greatest example being the gold shower door lining). Now, like I said, I actually prefer that they haven't completely renovated the villas to be modern and sleek; it gives them a certain mystique compared to everything else, but I do wish some more attention was given to the villas overall. Some of them could really use some work.
Wild TV
Hoo boy I've been waiting to talk about this one! Okay so, a little background.
Wild TV is a special TV channel that comes on every TV in the hotel room. It's essentially a looped playback of an overview video going over the resort's features and attractions. All well and good, yeah? Well for a while, it was! The video was enthusiastic and informative, and clearly had a lot of love put into it. It was no doubt still corporate, but it had the unique charm you would expect from anything else at the Wilderness. But then, things at the resort changed. Things were being updated and removed, and at quite a fast rate too. Initially, they just spliced the new information into the old video where appropriate, but that only went so far after a while. They had to make a new video eventually. So, they did, but...
It used AI-generated voiceovers.
Seriously? Really? Are we really stooping that low?
When I say I was pissed when I first saw the new video, I mean that. The resort that I had spent a good majority of my life on could never stoop as low as that. They couldn't. At the time, I had already grown jaded from corporations using AI to skirt past the need to hire real humans, but I never thought it could have happened to the Wilderness. I had thought the video we had before would stick around forever, and if push came to shove, they would still record new voicelines for any new attractions that were built.
Boy, was I wrong...
Over time and as I came back the resort more, I eventually got used to the new video's...eccentricities. I've grown to just making fun of how the voice says certain things, as since the voice in question has no soul, its tone can get out of whack sometimes. It's kinda funny to be honest.